Day I Changed 

Tell me how long have you been playing love

You seem a bit old to be learning new strings

Is that all you’ve got going for ya

Hands leading hands to hurt anyone or thing

And for a living that I was living until I gave you all of me

Tell me how long have you been playing love

Did a marionette teach you how to hurt me

I don’t know how it’s gonna come off

Darlin’ my heart ain’t meant to be profited on

Is that really how you wanna be known

An identity thief that failed thriving in your own

And for a living I wasn’t living until I took back all of me

I don’t know how it’s gonna come off

Did an imposter teach you how to hurt me

‘Cause even when my shell fell off

Outgrowing everything you’d want

In a body, mind and home

The day you changed I changed the most

I found myself when I lost you

You lost yourself when I saw through

A body, mind and home

The day you changed I changed the most

The day I changed was when you changed how I was valued

My time in that shell was overdue

And so was the resentment we learned to love through

A body, mind and  home

The day you changed I changed the most

I kept that shell on just for you

To turn into a shell of someone I once knew

In a body, mind and home

The day you changed I changed the most

The day I changed was when you changed how I was valued

To Be Seen

They watched the ship as it carried us in

Your body next to me

The ocean was cold, but you craved to be known

For the hole in your chest where your heart used to be

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now

Drilling holes in the ship that you built me out

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now, from the top

I felt my worth fall a part in the world 

I was dragged to from my homeland

You took me in, but my love was too big

To be carried by you for as long as you did

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now

Patching holes in the lifeboat from fires we doused

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now, from the top

When I felt the strings being tied at my feet

I fought knowing our fate from the beginning 

You light the match and I throw your heart in

An anchor must sink and a coward must jump ship

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now

Leaving traces behind thinking no one would find out

Will it be a curse to be seen now

The old me gone for good when I pulled you down

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now

Drilling holes in the ship that you built me out

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now

Patching holes in the lifeboat from fires we doused

Oh, will it be a curse to be seen now

As the things that we’ve been start to come to the surface 

Will it be a curse to be seen now, from the top

Runner

I drove as fast as I could go

2500 miles back to you 

Eyes froze, my foot on the pedal

My mind in survival because I knew

No I wasn’t the runner

No I wasn’t the runner

No I wasn’t the runner 

It was you x2

It was you

Yeah the runner was you x2

I showed up to your front door

My stomach in shambles

Denial dressed as you  

I broke down when the pile

Of my life to to exile 

Was just trash to go through to you 

No I wasn’t the runner

No I wasn’t the runner

No I wasn’t the runner 

It was you x2

It was you

Yeah the runner was you x2

I woke each day fighting devils

An old person an old home

I couldn’t go back to

So I’ll grow into someone you won’t know 

Stronger than your trestles

Collapsed in my rearview, on you 

No I wasn’t the runner

No I wasn’t the runner

No I wasn’t the runner 

It was you x4

It was you

Yeah the runner was you x2

Trauma Bonding 

I had dysmorphia, and you would love to play on that

You had me sculpted into you

I was your Goddess

And now I’m further in the hole

Because the hold on love wasn’t lifted up

My heart was bigger than my body

Just an object

That you thought the love from it would

Cover all the damage

And now you’re further in the hole

Because the loan on love wasn’t even enough

Was it the comfort given

That made it worth staying in the negative on both ends

Or was it the pleasure of taking my vulnerable package

And selling it

Is it gonna piss you off if I don’t pay you on

The things I never wanted

Is it gonna drive you mad if I never pay you back

When I paid the ultimate

Going bankrupt from trauma bonding

My heart was delicate a thing you liked to bank on

At the expense exploiting all my self-worth on the internet

And now I’m further in the hole

Because I sold my soul to feed your ego

You valued whatever you could gather

To increase your worth

Until the current stream you sourced from

Dried up in the dirt

And now you’re further in the hole

Because the mask you own isn’t even yours

Was it the comfort given

That made it worth staying in the negative on both ends

Or was it the pleasure

Taking collateral on my damage and selling it

Is it gonna piss you off if I don’t pay you on

The things I never wanted

Is it gonna drive you mad if I never pay you back

When I paid the ultimate

Is it gonna get you off if you try to call my bluff

On things that never happened

Is it gonna drive you mad if my drive to pay you back

Is by being honest

Going bankrupt, from trauma bonding

We’ve gone bankrupt from trauma bonding, baby

Placeholder 

I know I fell short as the healthy type

Comfort that caught my eye

For half a decade

To live and to die

Every single day suppressing a version of me

I wanted to love freely

But you charged me by losing everybody

Darlin’

Was I all in

If you left

As a placeholder for a better man

Darlin’

Was I all in

I know I was far from the perfect kind

And you loved reminding me why

In my darkest moments

Closed wounds would open

Hang them on a string, exposing a version of me

You wanted to love freely

But you charged me by losing everybody

Darlin’

Were you all in

If I left

As a placeholder for a better woman

Darlin’

Were you all in

If I left

As a placeholder for a better woman

Oh, Darlin’

Was I all in

If you left

As a placeholder for a better man

Oh, darlin’

Were you all in

If I left

As a placeholder for a better woman

Darlin’

Was I all in

If you left

As a placeholder for a better man

Darlin’

Were you all in

If I left

As a placeholder for a better woman

Darlin’

Were we all in

Left for Dead

You left me colorless

On your canvass

I was part of your facade

You left me defenseless

You left me for dead

While I tried

To love my life back to life

So I will

Give it time x3

You left me famished

My heart pressed up against your lips

Was just bait for your audience

You left me hoping

With rose-colored glasses on

I loved you right through your persona

And they will

Give it time x8

And they will

(And I did)

Give it time

(Gave it time) x12

I Know Where I Belong 

I belong where the wind blows wild

With the leaves of seasons

When we thought the world of each other

Was it just another phase of it

You belong where forgiveness frees you

In the fields with your kin

When we thought the worst of each other

Was it in love or was it in hatred

We had what most people didn’t

We had emotional distance

Turned adventure turned us cold

Tell me where I need to go

To find home

In who I used to know

I belong where the sunshines endless

With the clouds and mountains

When we thought the world of each other

Was it just another place to visit

You belong where desertion heals you

With the canyons barren

When we thought the worst of each other

Was it because one left before one couldn’t

We had what most people didn’t

We had emotional distance

Turned adventure turned us cold

Tell me where I need to go

To find home

In who I used to know

We had what most people didn’t

We had emotional distance

And I know where I belong

You just didn’t know the long way back home

To who I used to know

Fearless

You were fearless on your own

The day you clipped your wings you brought me home

You tried your best to fly and I’m sorry I let you fall

I was fearless on my own

I had the world inside me, I just didn’t know

You helped me try to find it, it took letting me go

This is the best and worst part about life

Holding on to the dark in the light

I never showed you, but I’ll always hope

Great things for you

Without you

This is the best and worst part about life

Holding on to the dark in the light

I never thanked you, but I’ll live each day

Someone new

‘Cause of you

Without you

Someone new

‘Cause of you

Someone new

Me and You

I’ll go if you want me to honey

I’ll hurt the way I hurt you

I’ll love another twice as hard knowing it’s something I can do

I’ll stay if you wanna get married

I’ll wish on the stars that you do

I’ll love another twice as hard knowing they’re not you

Oh, why x4

I’ll forgive and I’ll always be sorry

I’ll fix the broken parts that I used

 I’ll learn that karma bites twice as hard as she chews

I’ll hope that you’re still out there waiting

I’ll meet you by the milky way in a canoe

I’ll learn that dreams die twice as hard without building them with you

Oh, why x4

I don’t understand and maybe I don’t want to baby

I don’t understand, but maybe I do x4

I’ll try not to cry about it

But I’ll think about it, and cry when I do

If two wrongs don’t make a right honey

It’ll always be me and you x3

More Than Anything In This World

Leaving You For Years

Did you love me or were you braced for the ending

We should’ve left the day our hearts said something

That first night you kissed me like forever was fleeting

You were leaving me for years and I’m sorry we hurt each other waiting

The silence was screaming x3

Did you love me or were you scared of the lonely

We should’ve left before the harm of overstaying

Consuming pain from your lips like our future depended on it

I was leaving you for years and I’m sorry I didn’t when we knew it

The silence was screaming x3

And you said

“None of this matters anyways”

You’d sell your soul to be known for all the hate you harbored

Instead of sailing it away

And I should’ve believed you when you said

You’d do whatever it takes to get where you want

Well, you can’t miss what never existed when 

The silence was screaming

Did I love you or was I just feeling guilty

I traded in my favorite stars for scars you drew me

Little hearts running wild outside mine with a family

I cried at the doctors while you stayed back willingly

The silence was screaming x3

Did I love you or was I far from reality

Living at the bottom to avoid you sinking me

Praying to God or fate for you to believe in anything

Cause all of this mattered even without the words explaining

The silence was screaming x3

And I thought

If you’re supposed to fight for what you want

Then why did we fight for what we didn’t

As soon as you got it

I was the woman I swore I wasn’t

Trying to change each other’s course

By going against the moral compass of our purpose

When the closed door opened

I know 

Why you strayed when things got hard

You couldn’t be patient with my heart

Instead you came inside her

On the side of the bed I left years before in my head

And I forgave you cause I couldn’t forgive 

Myself for never waking up

And being in love 

With you like you never even wanted

The silence was screaming x6

I’m trying my best to forget it

But my mind and body just relives it

Do you love someone to death if you’ll do anything

Until you slip the noose from comfort chaos turned to hate

Claimed to be someone’s family

As you’re ripped from yours slowly

Then cut out like it’s nothing

What a twisted goddamn feeling

To be each other’s nothing

In the vault we were locked in

With the silence you thought would silence me

Well, the silence is screaming

The silence is screaming x6

The Greatest Attachment

I’m sorry for being so bitter

Things were sweetest on days we were certain

When you learn how to love through adapting

You don’t question the bad days in the slightest

I’m sorry for being so selfish

I just couldn’t accept how we got here

‘Cause the drive coming back meant hell again

After chasing down roads of illusion

To the greatest attachment of my life 

That I lost

Our hearts were so naive

From the love that we thought was love

To the greatest lesson of my life 

That I got

You can learn how to love, but you can’t learn how to stay in it

To the greatest attachment of my life 

That I lost

Our hearts were so battered

From the same pain that brought us to us

To the greatest lesson of my life 

That I got

Maybe I was in love but I can’t accept it

Or I learned how to love you solely out of habit

Were the things I said just a reaction

To denying the greatest weightless attachment

I’ve no choice but to live and regret that

I’ll always have love for you, though we knew

We could never stay in it

Harvest Love

Stumbling in the graveyard of my heart

Mourning what we never had

Growing in the garden I had guarded

What wilted before I left

By the time you had picked me in the city

All my roots had traveled back

Stretched for miles across Ohio

I will harvest love again

Stumbling in the graveyard of my heart

The storm clouds moving in

Barefoot in the garden I had started

Watering what you didn’t

By the time you had picked me in the city

All my roots had traveled back

Stretched for miles across Ohio

I will harvest love again

I started planting

Little seeds of what I wanted

A home, a child, commitment

In your heart

Weeds started coming

And you couldn’t keep up pulling

Now you’re pushing up daisies

In my heart

It’s a graveyard

Thanks for the season

The rain was needed

I will harvest love again x10